Let’s get this out of the way. I am by no means a supporter of violence of any kind. Whatever seemingly drastic actions is, definitely the last resort.
I would like to start with a story.just a simple short one may not directly involve bullying, but to illustrate the point of “standing up for yourself”. So bare with me.
This started a few weeks ago. A book that needed to be completed on an already tight deadline. Having said that the graphic designer was assured that after a well-planned schedule, everyone was to keep to it, it was to run fairly smoothly.
Well, that did not happen by this week’s meeting not due to the designer’s fault but due to the muddling of unnecessary parties and indecisiveness of decision makers.The designers tried to keep it professional. Dateline still needed to be kept but the flip-flopping was still going on and it is driving things crazy. The designer was asked to do a lot of things and changes several times but nothing was locked down.
The designers tried to keep it professional. Dateline still needed to be kept but the flip-flopping was still going on and it is driving things crazy. The designer was asked to do a lot of things and changes several times but nothing was locked down but the deadline was looming. Finally the designer after in the last meeting yet being told to do “maybe do this, and do that” said “This is frustrating me, I cannot start my job with all of this going on. I don’t have 3 months to work on this, someone needs to make a decision !!”
Suddenly you could feel the mood of the meeting and the room changing. Suddenly all the calls that could have been made few weeks ago, that was held up, was made miraculously on the spot.
This may be inconsequential to some, but the point I am trying to make is about “standing up for yourself’” and how in most instances it affects how you are being perceived and treated. I am referring being firm but kind.
Which now leads me to when being bullied. You do feel that your power is being taken away from you. I know the times I was mistreated and bullied, I wondered after the fact “Why on God’s earth did you not say anything and fight back? “ That is because I lost me, I gave that power to the girls that were bullying, bought into their words. Nobody told me what they did was not OK and I was raised not to “talk back” but maybe…just maybe, If I was told “ it is OK to fight back and say something” Things would have turned out differently. I took everything in and felt like a stupid loser for the longest time and that is the truth. We have to give permission and teach the kids about “being strong but kind” To allow them to have that power. The power to fight back, verbally YES! Tell them to STOP!!! Not violence but if they were pushed, shoved and punched, after being warned and told not to, the bullied child fights back...shoves and maybe even hit them back, Good on them! So be it. In most instances, the bullies would slowly back off.
I know it is not the easiest to watch or tell your child that. I get it. But, If they don’t say or do anything, they do and will feel powerless, What good would that do them?
Be strong but kind…….
Till next time,
Love and smile always,
Keep Creating
Illani
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About the writer
Mazura Illani Manshoor graduated from Boston University with a degree in Psychology. She is a certified Early Childhood and a Montessori teacher with years of teaching experience.
Ms. Manshoor is a co-founder of CreaTee with strong passion for children and education causes